What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
