She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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