Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
