He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
