Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
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