I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
