It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
