he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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