My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
