first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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