Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
