You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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