Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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