why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
