I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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