I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
