Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
