Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
