No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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