so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
