These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
