Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
40s are totally the cure
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
