i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
