Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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