giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
