I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
