i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
