I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
