Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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