Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hippo gnu deer
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
