You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
