Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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