He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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