does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is it because I queefed?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
