is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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