dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
