she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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