How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
