Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
