I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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