I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
