I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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