so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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