the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
