real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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