Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
