whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm too high and old for this...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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