I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
