I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
