i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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