Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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