he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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